Saturday, June 13, 2009

Its a battle.

My heart is constantly at war with... well... everything.
Every. Single. Morning. I battle my body just to get out of bed.
I battle the temptation to be critical about everything.
I battle being kind when I want to be snippy.
I battle finding my worth in my weight or my wardrobe.
I battle being self-righteous when I secretly know that the sin inside me is repulsive.
I battle to go consistently to God daily, to worship Him as He deserves, to fill my heart and my mind with who He is.

Most recently I find myself battling the temptation to be overly focussed on my own abilities vs. believing what God can and will do in and through me. As Johnny & I embark on this new adventure (planting out a new church in Highland!) I am finding myself more and more aware of how little we have to offer in regards to skill, gift, experience, wisdom, etc.

And yet.

Even as I type those words tears come to my eyes.

And yet.

God is kind. He is good. He is powerful. He is loving. He is merciful. He is forgiving. He is sovereign. And because Jesus died to pay for my sins He extends these things to me...

God is kind to me. God is good to me. God is powerful on my behalf. God loves me. God is merciful to me. God forgives me. God uses his sovereignty to guide me.

And so, in the midst of these battles I am asking God to help me lift my eyes off of myself. Off of my sin. Off of my fatigue. Off of my own thoughts on how things should be done.... and onto Him. This God of infinite wisdom and power who loves me intimately & promises to guide me daily.

I choose to walk by faith.

To remember that God has been faithful to me in the past.
To believe He will continue to be faithful to me today and in the future.

To believe God will help me win the battle.

"I lift my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the LORD,
who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber or sleep.
The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore."
Psalm 121

And Nicholas has green eyes. Nobody believes me but if you want to battle it out I hate to break it to you but I'm gonna win.



CJ, Lori, and Princess Triniti said...

You wrote what so many of us, all of us, go through on a daily basis but are too proud to admit "for the world to see." We often want to act to the world, even ourselves, like we have it all together, but in reality? We don't. We never have and we never will. That's where God comes in. Only He can piece us together into the beautiful, wonderful person He created us to be. And you are one of those beautiful, wonderful people created by God. Thanks for sharing your're not alone!

swart said...

Great Post Michelle. Really good. We're so excited for you guys and your upcoming journey! ... wow.

jodes said...

Something to keep in mind... God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called. :o)